Basement Ghost Singing
by MaddBrilliant
Summary: After an increasingly intense night together, Edward decides that it would be safer if his and Bella's relationship were not a phyical one. But when trying to quell the fire with lack of contact, it only makes it grow that much stronger.


My hands were all over her

My hands were all over her. The moment I had returned from the dismal 3 day "camping trip" with my brothers, it took all I had in me not to wrap myself around her in front of a wary Charlie. Once he had finally fallen into sleep, I followed my routine of sneaking in through her open bedroom window. I found a jumpy Bella waiting for me by her doorway, wearing an innocent white shirt and flannel pants, but with the direct moonlight shining through, I clenched my jaw when I noticed how her under garments were visible through the thin material. I bit the inside of my cheek, the venom stinging, but I was thankful for the distraction. It took less than a second after that I had my hands around her waist, my lips on her jaw line.

"I missed you," I whispered, mentally kicking myself for not finding a less dull way to express my thirst to be near her.

"I missed you, too…" Bella seemed to be near holding her breath. The fact that I was dangerously close to breaking our normal proximity level was possibly the cause of it. If my heart beat could catch, it would have. My fingertips glided down the length of her arm, her skin tightening under my touch. I let the scent of her guide me to her collar bone and I inhaled deeply. To most, this wouldn't have been an erotic gesture, but to me it was equivalent to having my hands wander to places I have yet been. For some reason, this made me feel bold, and reacting to this new sense of control over my more… natural instincts, I found my fingers crawling down to her hipbone. Bella's breath hitched and my thumb slipped under the base of her shirt, finally exploring the warm skin of her navel. It was a shockingly intense experience, the contrast from my normally freezing skin and her warmth. I wondered if it was an unpleasant experience for Bella, the last thing I wanted to do was have her uncomfortable about it all. Without a word exchanged, I lifted my eyes from my exploring hand to meet her gaze. I found her looking at me dead on, determination set in her wide brown eyes. We took a loud intake simultaneously as I lifted the shirt inches higher, meeting her rib bones. Not near her breasts- I felt it much, much too soon for anything to that extent- but I felt brave for having climbed so far. I trailed down again and wrapped around her hip to the small over her back and pushed her to me.

"I feel like I haven't seen you in a thousand days," my voice came out much more huskily than I had intended but the sudden, overwhelming amount of desire- lust?- in her eyes must have matched my own. Bella caught my bottom lip hungrily in her teeth, pulling my face to hers. We echoed each others kisses, her nails lightly scratching down the back of my neck. I wondered how to nearly every other couple in the world, this level of intensity becomes their normality, even rather chaste. Our bodies where a safe distance apart, only our arms wrapped around each other. And of course our kisses were always on the borderline for a moment or so, but being the coward I was with my fear of losing control, I pushed away from the fire for most of the time. But it's just those few, brief moments where I truly let go, where I give in just a millimeter. Where I'm just a boy kissing his girl. Even if it can only be measured in blinks, I feel alive.

I broke away from the kiss just as I found myself pushing her closer to me, ignoring our usual safe distance. My tongue slid into and tasted her mouth, her own rushing to meet mine. Bella tangled her fingers in my hair, a movement she always does when the passion is growing. I found myself not caring, I was just craving her. Our kiss became much more fervent, hungry, almost an angry thing. Anger at all the frustration we had pent up. At the moment, I think I actually heard Bella give a low growl in the back of her throat. My sweet, innocent Bella had _growled_. It did nothing but excite me more.

I was a fraction away from pushing her onto the bed. A fraction away.

"Bella we have to- we have to stop. I don't want to do something I'll regret." Even if I didn't exactly need to breathe, I found myself gasping for air. This girl is undoing me. I watched as her eyes flickered, a sense of embarrassment coming off in waves. "Right," she said "something you'd regret." Her brow knitted and her eyes refused to meet mine, as if she were hurt by the remark. Just as I was going to ask her, realization dawn. "No, no Bella, that is not what I meant at all! You misunderstood, not something I would regret doing _with_ you, I would never regret something such as that, I meant… I meant something I would do _to_ you." I sighed, feeling as if I had stumbled through the apology without having said a thing correctly. Why she loves this moron, I will never know. "I just don't want to hurt you. Please try to understand."

"I get it," she said quickly but in a low, mumbled tone. She was sitting on the bed now, her legs pulled up like a fort and her mouth on her knee as if to hide the quiver in her lip. I could feel she thought this was a rejection, when I was trying to make her see it was anything but. I kneeled down in front of her, softly tracing lines on her palm. I rested my head on her knee as I tried to form the words. "I'm sorry that I can't kiss you without having to be inches away from you. I'm sorry I have to keep up my guard when I'm just holding you. It's exhausting, and I want nothing more than to give in and… just take comfort in you. To fall asleep with you. To follow you where you go when you sleep and I'm awake. I know that giving in will put you life at risk and a part of me-"

_A part of me doesn't care. A part of me wants to know so badly what you feel like. A part of me wants to know what you taste like._

"Sometimes it's not the monster in me that needs to be controlled. It's the man." I lifted my gaze from the floorboards just in time to see her looking at me as if I had just showed her the rawest part of me. As if she was staring at my beating heart. If my heart did that sort of thing.

"Edward," her voice sounded far away, as if under water, or in smoke. "I'm happiest when you're just looking at me. All the… all the physicality, it's not where we are built. It's not all we are. You think I'm missing out because every touch is tense. I mean, I wish you didn't have to worry about my safety in it all, but Edward: there is more passion in you just laying beside me than most people feel in their entire lives. Trust me, I want for nothing." She gave a small, closed lipped smile, her eyes heavy as she traced my cheek with her thumb. "And you shouldn't worry about not following me when I sleep. Most of my dreams either consist of you, or finding myself naked in front of the bus stop."

My eyebrows rose at that last sentence. "And those two things: myself and you being naked in public places never coincide?" I gave my best crooked smile, while underneath I was licking my lips at the thought. I really must learn to behave myself. You would think I'd learn how to after a hundred and plus years of virginity.

Bella rolled her eyes but I could hear her heart beat pulsing just a bit stronger, her blush a deep crimson. "It's late- well, for me. Are you staying the night?" She had started pushing herself closer towards the headboard part of the bed. Her eyes were hopeful in the hazed moonlight; at the moment she looked like one of my own kind- her beauty becoming a ravished, seducing thing. I felt the core of me shake just looking at her. I was in absolutely no condition to lie down beside her for hours without the possibility of something occurring. Especially not with Charlie a hallway down. "I don't think tonight is a good night for the, love. I don't think I can compose myself very well at the moment." I said this through clenched teeth.

I watched as she brought her hand to rest on the side of her neck. Either as a way to calm herself or a way to hide the exposed skin the animal in me never really stopped glancing at. I doubted she did this to offend me, but I became ashamed nonetheless. "Do you think you could, just stay here? I mean, just until I fall asleep? You don't have to lie beside me if it's, you know, too much."

I considered this and deemed that if I kept enough distance between us the length of the time, it would work. I walked to the side of the room and pulled out the chair from her desk to face the bed. She smiled a sleepy, Cheshire cat smile and slid under her covers. I watched her drift while I sat in my chair with my chin resting on my knuckles. It's in times like this where I can quiet the voices in my head and all I really hear is the hum of the air conditioning and Bella's breathing. I closed my eyes and attempted to dream, even though I was awake behind my eye lids.


End file.
